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James 1:5
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
Whenever a couple first get married, everything is so new and exciting that you think it will go on forever. Unfortunately, day-to-day stresses and busy schedules can soon mean the excitement wears off and you feel like you are living in a well-worn rut.
It’s like you’ve become roommates, and have begun to take each other for granted. It doesn’t have to be that way. The important thing is to know what bad habits are passion killers and avoid them. In fact, you could introduce some everyday habits that would prevent you from starting to take each other for granted. Here are some suggestions.
Learn Love Languages
The marriage counsellor Dr. Gary Chapman has written a series of books titled
The 5 Love Languages. The five are:
* Acts of service
* Praise
* Gifts
*Quality time
* Physical touch
In the books, he states that everyone has a primary and secondary love language. Knowing your husband's love language can help him feel appreciated and not taken for granted. You might think you are being loving if you buy gifts or do acts of service, for example, but if your partner values quality time and physical touch, you will clearly not be speaking the same language.
Acts of service
This means doing the cooking. Make sure that whatever you choose is something you are good at and won’t feel resentful about doing.
Praise
It’s easy to give words of praise:
* I’m so proud of you
* Well done
* That was amazing
* You’re a really great dad, helping out with the kids so much
* And so, on
The praise should be sincere and, if possible, specific to something the other person has done. This shows you are noticing them and not taking them for granted.
Gifts
Little things can mean a lot
* A single red rose
* Their favorite candy bars
* A piece of clothing you know they had their eye on at the mall
* A nice meal out
And anything else that you know they would like.
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Quality time
This can be tough if you have kids, but it is worth it to make the effort
* Thirty minutes of chatting and handholding once the kids are asleep
* A regular date night
* A shared activity you both enjoy, such as a walk at your local beauty spot
And so on.
Physical touch
* Holding hands
* Hugging
* Kissing
* Trading massages
* Showering or bathing together
And anything else you both enjoy.
Find his love languages and give these ideas a try - then see how it helps to bring romance into your life rather than take him for granted.
Striking a Balance Between Time Together and Time Apart
Being married is always going to be a balancing act in terms of your responsibilities versus the time you manage to find together in order to connect with one another. In particular, the romantic connection can be hard to maintain the longer you are a couple because many other things get in the way, and not every couple makes this a priority.
Spending Quality Time Together
A lot of couples get resentful of their partner. Romance and intimacy are possible if both partners agree to make time for it and prioritize it. In this way, you can balance the time together with the time apart. The romantic connection will be maintained, and intimacy will therefore remain an important part of your connection.
Agreeing What Quality Time Means
The best thing couples can do, especially if they think there is a disconnect with their love languages, is to discuss what quality time means to each person and how they can schedule it regularly. It might be date night once a week, or a shared activity such as a walk in the park before dinner. Scheduling sex may sound a bit forced, but it can also lead to a spring in your step and a twinkle in your eye
knowing you’ll be focusing on that aspect of your relationship that night.
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